Great tumblr mysteries
i-dobelieveincommas: The name of the Doctor What happened in Budapest How Sherlock survived Where the fuck the Hannibal fandom came from
My friend was trying to get Siri to tell her she loves her, but she wouldn't say it. So my friend just typed out, "I love you," and made Siri read it.
Siri: "I love you."
Diamond: "Ha, got you, bitch!"
sansaofhousestark: arianne—martell: Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.
thedramaticsneeze: hoshigumayuugi: i actually like being up early i just don’t like getting up early YOU PUT THIS IN WORDS
iamtonysexual: jonandtheon: jonandtheon: jonandtheon: MY BOOK IS LOCKED IN A CLASSROOMN RED ASLERT I TOLD THIS REALLY NICE KID WHO NEVER CAUSES TROUBLE AND HEREACHED INTO HIS BACKPACK AND PULLED OUT A KEYCHAIN WITH KEYS TO THE CLASSROOM AND UNLOCKED IT FOR ME?? update i asked him why he had those keys and he said “its not important” im so lost He’ll be vital to your quest later,...
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
daddyfuckedme: wouldn’t it be cool if jellyfish floated around in air instead of water but they didn’t sting you instead they gave you little kisses and rubbed your forehead with their tentacles
horribleawfulcunt: niamliveslarryloves: basedgosh: i hate one direction fans so much i need my whole room to cool down but no this damn thing only blows one way I literally had to read that 5 times… oh my god
So i was on my brothers computer and found this
bewbin: bewbin: at first i thought it was porn then i dug deeper at this point im scared to go any further i wonder whats inside IT WAS THIS FUCKING GIF
This is what Yahoo paid $1.3 Billion for.
i will do a thing
dudewhereismytardis: okay so if you reblog this (likes don’t count) i’ll draw/make an original character based on your blog, maybe they won’t even be human, maybe they’ll be a robot or an alien or a squid (but probably humanoid)
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
holyposeidon: the constant fear of labeling someone as your best friend because they probably don’t feel the same way because no one ever likes you as much as you like them
iwilleatyourenglish: iwilleatyourenglish: once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the...
Kirk: Mister Chekov, go put on a red shirt.
Entire Cinema: Aw, shit.
So we’re just gonna walk around pretending it’s not weird that one of our hands is just worse at everything?
I’m so insecure like I could be married to my husband of 40 years and I would still wonder if he likes me or not
selfdoubtandsyphilis: dankestrnemes: do animals think in english or in the sounds they make this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
west2spookycollins: i’m not saying i’m batman but answer me this have you ever seen me and batman in the same room
I wanted there to be an after the credits scene in Star Trek: Into Darkness where the tribble multiplied and everyone was freaking out. Maybe the next movie can be The Trouble With Tribbles….
14 Hilarious English Translation Fails →
nevvzealand: i dont understand how i can get so much joy from covering my pets with blankets and watching the lump move around
cultbuscus: brbjellyfishing: What if crazy Steve killed drake, josh and their parents, kidnapped Megan and took her to Seattle, forced her to call herself Carly, and made her pretend she was his little sister incorrect. Drake appeared in an episode and called Carly Megan. He thought he killed Drake, but boy was he wrong.